November 11, 2012

  • ...they don't understand...

    when do people start thinking that nagging and scolding worked?  or rather, when did I stop listening?

    The more my parents tell me to go to church, the less I want to.  And yes, although I know it's the right thing to do as a Christian, how does going because of NAGGING parents mean I am devoted to Christ?  It doesn't.  I fully know that I will NOT go until I am ready to go back.  And at this moment, I just cannot.  Why?  Because I know that if I do go, I'll just be an empty shell sitting in a pew, not wanting to get to know anyone, not wanting to really listen to the sermon.  So really, what's the point?  so I can be "close" to GOD and his community?  Yeah, seriously THINK it through before you yap at me every single fricken day about going to church.  Lay the Frack off...

    Now onto having a job.  Um, I don't think a first full time position as an assistant manager is all that bad.  Yeah, I'm assistant manager for a FIRST full time job.  It doesn't pay the greatest, but i have ASSISTANT MANAGER under my belt.  so honestly, what do you freaking want?  I can't just up and quit after a month of getting the position.  Yes, I know it's retail and I work Most Sundays.  But you know what?  because you told me to take Sunday's off, I WILL work more Sundays.  seriously, think your actions through.  When have I EVER listened to your scoldings and naggings?  haven't I in fact ALWAYS done the opposite?  Do you think that by your nagging I would suddenly see my world as being really corrupt and that I will automatically go to church?  Sure, sometimes it does feel empty, like a part is missing on Sunday, but who are you to tell me what to do?  Um..uh huh, you're my parents.  I should obey you.  BUT, what if I know I'm not ready?  You'll force it on me anyways?  egh...please back off.  

    You were not raised in the church, you do not know what it feels to be me.  You don't understand why I don't want to go back.  So honestly, Just LAY OFF!  They're my parents, but at this rate, the more they keep scolding me about these things, the less I will listen.  I'll become that child that only calls for birthdays and christmas.  So honestly, they really do need to stop all this nagging.  Let me be and do my own stuff for a while.  It's not like I'll magically figure out my life with all their nagging and negative energy.

    If I go now, I'll only see what's wrong with Church.  So honestly, please DO NOT push this matter any further.  Of course, I should really be telling them, but I have NEVER communicated well with my parents.  they don't listen to me.  They never have.  And I will never listen to them because of it.  

    Does this help you understand why after I cook, I always say something's wrong with it?  It's because I've never been good enough.  When I cook, I never get compliments from my parents, instead it's always a complaint of one thing or another.  

    No, I'm not saying my life sucks.  Instead, I'm just complaining that my parents are over-involved in my life without realizing how annoying they're becoming.  Even as a little girl, I had a mind of my own.  What do you think? I'm any different now?  I am not my sister.  You cannot tell me what to do, because I can make decisions and make my own mistakes bearing all consequences.  So leave me alone.  I don't need this.

     

    If the problem is that I'm not financially stable, fine.  I get it.  As long as I'm using your money, I'll have to do what you want.  Fine, I'll pay for everything myself.  Tires included.  so this month, all my money goes to osap and paying bills.  fine.