it can be small and it can be big.  do you get disappointed when the number is high?  what's considered a high number?  would you be surprised if the number was higher than 1 at all?  does it drive you crazy when your number isn't 0?  well now, what do you think i'm talking about???

I'm talking about the number you see in your email inbox.  You know the one- the number on the "Welcome _______, you have ________ new messages" page.  Although applying to jobs in this virtual age is convenient, any email be it in the inbox or spam is such a tease.  it's distressing and totally disappointing when you get emails that aren't the ones you're anticipating.  

and as such, I have NEVER received so much spam before....because I normally don't check the junk folder.  how crappy.  I'm hoping to get at least one response soontimes.  3 business days.  we'll see.  

anyways, time to get going.  tired.  must find something to do.  sigh.  

I have officially lost 5 lbs.  Obviously, if I weigh myself at night, it would be different than if I weighed myself in the morning.  so I weigh myself at the same time if I have to.  however, I am still lighter in the morning than in the afternoon.  the number on the scale fluctuates between 162-168.  I've been stuck at this weight for a while...but I honestly haven't worked out as diligently as I should have.  it's not about the number on the scale though.  I just want to look and feel great.  

I have applied to 3 jobs today.  Maybe it'll get faster.  But applying to 3 jobs took about 3 hours.  ergs.  But as I've already said, it's not applying to the job that's hard, it's finding a job to apply for that's the hard part.  Essentially, if an organization doesn't have a post open, I'll send in my resume anyways.  whether they chuck it in the garbage or at least look at it, it doesn't matter.  at least i know I've done my part and actually tried to do something instead of waiting for jobs to come find me.  

only applied for 3, but that is all I'll do for today.  I took a nap, I worked out, I'm going to meet up with a friend tonight.  I talked on the phone with my financial adviser.  People don't believe me when I tell them I'm 160+ lbs.  

So I can say this day looks pretty good.  

I don't read self-help books though.  However, I'll probably do some more reading into making the perfect resume and cover letter.  I want the call back ratio to be much higher than 5-10%.  When I apply for a job in retail, I almost always get a call back for an interview.  but it's okay, I'm not in the world of retail anymore.  I want to gain some more experience.  I have teaching experience, maybe I should look at some private tutoring institutions too and see if they'd want me.  Maybe instead of retail, for part time job when I live in toronto, maybe I can tutor instead for slightly more than min wage?  we should see!!! 

at first I was feeling bummed because I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.  Now, probably the efffects of working out, i'm feeling much happier about my "glum" situation.  

Oh, I don't HAVE to move out if I don't want to.  BUT, I want to start my own life away from my parents now.  I CAN do it.  I WILL do it.  the attitude of positive thinking.  doing NOTHING isn't an option.  ROAR!!!  i guess this makes me REALLY determined aye?  heh

what can i say?  I've always been a person that ALWAYS gets what she wants.  of course there are sacrifices along the way, but i ALWAYS get what i want...ROAR!!!! hehehehe.

I have been referred inter-agency with the help of my friend.  She's been a BOA (business office administrator.  *side note, isn't that a cool accronym?) for some time now.  

The agency said they would get back to me within 3 business days.  I don't know if I should call them before that or not.  My friend just told me to wait.  hehehe.  I just know if they don't call or contact me on the 3rd day, I'd give them a call on the fourth.  I don't know.  what are your thoughts?  I'm not really prepared for an interview.  OMG!  However, being a Office Administrator has been a job I've been looking for.  I need my foot in the door.  I WILL ACE this interview.  why? just need to believe I can do it.  haha.  

I do hope to start ASAP.  Though, this means that I'll be getting up REALLY early for the next few months to get to work in EAST york.  If I get it, it means I'll be quitting my part time job just so I can have weekends back.  or just work weekends for extra money (if other people don't need the money).  

well, it's located in east york.  Actually, I really like the east york area.  It's a little old I give it that.  IT looks a little run down, but I used to live by coxwell station...omg...if i worked in the east york region, that means I can see my some of my favourite people all the time (if they want to see me)  EXCITED....WEEEEE

But, I think i'll actually still have to live with a roommate to make my ends a little more comfortable.  Do you know a mature somebody that would live in an apartment for 800/month with everything included with the drawback of having a hermitty/homebody roommate?  I don't know.  for a 1 bedroom+ utilities + roommate, does 800 sound a little much?  what do you think though?

"Sabina, why are you determined to live downtown?"
"because I want to live in the city."
"do you know it'll cost you more to live in the city on your own?"
"yes I do, I've run the numbers."
"but you suck at math."
"Yes, I do, but I'm good with numbers when it comes to MY money and MY spending.  I know what I want and what I have to do to get what I want."

 But either way, I'm thinking of living out of glass jars to see where my money goes for a little while.  Away from plastic.  I DON'T want to have to rely on my parents much.  I would ask them to bring me food when they come visit me though.  well, since I live close to china town, I know i'll be able to eat lots of chinese veggies.  hehehe. nom nom nom.  I CAN do this! ROAR!

how many applications will I have to send out to get that job interview?  How many job applications will I need to send out to get that job?  Now, I have to practice doing interviews.  I may be good at writing on paper, but when it comes to interviews, I absolutely STINK.  I lose out on job opportunities because I'm tooo nervous at interviews.  

My goal is to send out at least 5 resume's today.  you're probably thinking that 5 is a really low number, but honestly, it's NOT the resume sending part.  it's actual FINDING of the job or even finding the organization that I'm willing to explore- that's the troubling part.  I WILL be sending out ALOT of resumes and job applications for jobs I don't qualify for.  the problem is that the jobs I do qualify for either 1, doesn't pay enough or 2, they think i'm overqualified or 3, a mix of both.  I don't even know what I'm looking for in life a job.  

I would be satisfied to have a job that pays for my bare necessities as long as I have time to invest in other interests.  Of course, most people think I'm low-balling in life.  The thing is, the more you make, the higher your expenses are in life.  I know I wouldn't wanna struggle from paycheque to paycheque, but I also know that I don't need the 6 figure income to be happy with my life.  That's just me.  

It looks like I'll have to find 2 jobs to live in that condo downtown.  perhaps it'll be worth it.  regardless of whether i'll be moving in or not, I WILL Find that job.  so far, i've sent out 2 resumes and cover letters.  Am I really crappy at it or what?  Why did it take me 2 hours to write a cover letter and send it?  

mmmmmm.  I'll probably go for some career counselling at the local employment center.  sigh.  It's only my first official day of job applications and i'm already slightly disheartened....this calls for....some food! hahahaha

I took teaching English as a second language as a different experience to work with immigrants.  I learnt an entirely different viewpoint about immigrants- the ones that actually come into Canada legally.  Must say, their reality is REALLY different compared to my perspective as a an immigrant.  But my students were middle eastern and I am not.  After this entire experience, I realized that I have no passion for teaching LINC.  Perhaps if it were a tutor base or one on one tutoring, it may just be the rigidity of the LINC program, but I didn't enjoy teaching.  Everyone thinks I'm crazy for not wanting to teach.  Am I?  It's not that I can't teach, but I don't feel satisfied.  I don't know.  

Although I didn't know know any of my student's name by the end of my teaching, I still love my students.  I didn't enjoy the teaching, but I LOVED my students.  they were all soooo kind, so sweet, so....different from my world.  One student gave me a gift for being her teacher and made me lunch (which I ate for dinner).  The food was tasty! I couldn't pin point the taste.  It was totally middle-eastern flavour on instant noodles! it was very creative.  They used a green spicy pepper that I've never tasted before.  She gave me some violet and lychee body spray and lotion.  It smells really nice.  She included an English translation of the Quran.  Am I a bad Christian for being interested in seeing what's in it?  

Now that I'm officially done school, I'll be looking for a job, planning my meals, packing my things again to prepare to move out in September and gonna work out like a mad lady to lose weight so if my cousin calls me fat, I can beat her ass.  I'm a few pounds over weight, so I have to lose about 20.  hahaha.  anyways

Oh on a totally unrelated note, my wrist strain injury acted up on the weekend.  It hurt Monday afternoon.  Thankfully, by yesterday, it went away.  

time for me to completely relax before the full time job hunt tomorrow.

cold weather + stress + inability to sleep = sick.  ergs.  

starting to lose my voice...and it's not that i've been talking alot.  nose SUPER congested.  It's cause I forgot to wear a jacket yesterday and it was really cold.  ergs.  

Will have to think of an activity for tomorrow.  Will have to leave soon because I foresee HORRIBLE traffic.  wonder if anyone is buying boots in the store.  anyways.  time to go.

I used to type like an IDIOT.  a BIG idiot.  hahahaha

But, I've been typing a blog for 9 years now.  Holy crap.  Not necessarily on xanga, I think I started this in 2004.  I'll have to check my stats.  I started this blog because some friends were using it.  Then I started to use it to get away from my other blog. 

It makes sense that I've been blogging on and off for 9 years.  I can remember that I started blogging in grade 10.  That's almost a decade ago.  O.M.G...sooo much has happened since then.  sigh.  I wonder who reads my blog on blogger- it's just a nostalgic piece of garbage documenting a silly teenager where the world revolved around her.  I wonder when I grew out of that stuff.....heh.  I quit using that blog only because I always typed depressing posts there.  The reason I started that blog was because someone broke up with me.  At the time, I was really depressed.  BUT, I will NEVER be that depressed again....EVER.  I vowed to become stronger than I was.  I vowed to be better than I was.  I vowed NEVER to see life that way...ever again.

Have to buy a pair of earrings again.  hmmmm.  I can't believe I lost it without realizing. BUT, that just tells you that those earrings bothered me sooo little that I never even thought about them.

Job fair this Thursday.  I'll be coming in my most casualbut decent professional clothing.  heh

time to go into class and listen to all the nervous people talk about what they "don't" know.  hahahaha...

no, it's NOT the incessant questions my parents always ask me about stupid things- although this is VERY annoying too.  The biggest annoyance for me is when someone is unable to type properly in this day and age.  I sound like an old person...but you see, I've had a computer since I was 6. I learnt to type properly by 7 or 8.  So, you shouldn't be surprised to hear that I can type 90 words or more per minute on a good day.  It also helps when your mother tells you, "computers are the future, learn to type properly." since she was a law clerk when I was younger.  on a side note, on a bad day, I type about 70-75 words per min.  So, it really bugs me when I see people chicken pecking or only use their index and third fingers to type.  Yes, I do have bad typing problems too.  For instance, instead of typing a letter p with my pinky, I type it with my ring finger.  yes, I can't help it.  My pinky on my right hand just isn't as strong as the pinky finger in my left.  hehe. 

I will practice writing with my left some more though.  I want to be ambidextrous.  I can write, it takes a little more time than my right though.  But it's all about practice.  Statistics show that people who are ambidextrous die the youngest....weird.  though, that could just be some weird made up stat.  who knows.  hahahaha

When it comes to typing, I sound like an anal retentive person.  I guess I am.  HAHAHA.

I have a final today.  I honestly can tell you that I only put like 30% into my studying.  I watched a lot of castle and one piece this past weekend.  I won't be surprised to pull only a 70.  I only studied the big ticket questions I knew would be on the exam.  I didn't study all my terms this time.  I'm just really sick of school.  This program has made me HATE school.  THOUGH, after I graduate and find a job, I WILL take lanuage lessons.  I want to improve my French and my Spanish and then maybe Japanese.  Only the basic fundamentals in all those languages.  How sad.  Anyways, I think I've already told you this, but for some reason, when I think about vocab words for spanish, I'll think of the japanese word.  French is one of those languages that I associate with Mister V.  He was the best french teacher I ever had.  I can't even remember the one I had in private school.  How can you hire a french teacher that doesn't speak ANY English....fresh off the plane from Quebec rural region?  seriously.  If the teacher doesn't explain it in English, I won't understand.

Man, I'm tired.  I paid for pizza for our party today, but I think I'm just gonna go home after my exam. 

I wonder if I'll get any interview this week.....

teaching should/shouldn't and must/mustn't next week.  I'm having trouble thinking of level 2 appropriate activities.  I'm gonna try to focus on a vocab lesson this time. 

I'm sooo tired.  bleh....woke up at 5:30 because my body suddenly gave me a UTI...ergs....

mr. boyfriend of mine, please avert your eyes to this entry. 

I don't remember when the bf saw this on tv.  When he saw someone on tv have a 5 year engagement, his eyes got that mischievous school boy twinkle and asked, "can I do that?"

At first, I replied no.  But now, I'm thinking I'd take back my response.  Since I don't want kids, marriage isn't that important to me.  BUT, I would like to get married before I hit 30.  Seriously...that's only 5 years away....dun dun dun!  but meh.

If the bf proposes any time soon, I would most likely set the wedding date at least 5 years from now though.  It's not because I wouldn't be ready to get married.  It's because I want it on a certain date.....

Although many things relating to this topic were a jokes at first, I am actually thinking about it now.  But this puts pressure on the bf, so maybe I shouldn't say anymore.....

For a while, the bf and I joked to his family that we'd get married when August 11 fell on a saturday.  If you check the calendar, that means this year.....but neither of us are ready to get married I'm sure- no eloping in vegas.  August 11 will fall on a Friday in 2017 or Saturday in 2018.  You're probably wondering what's so important about that date.  For me, it's just a combination of tradition and a bit of silliness on my part. 

The bf's bday falls on the 10th of August.  and mine?  August 12.  For the bf and I, it has been tradition since our first year of dating to take a week off in August to celebrate both our birthdays.  I dunno if I can do it this year though:(  but either way, I am trying to take my birthday weekend off.  Anyways, it would be pretty cool I think.  But we'll see.

Anyways, I'm running late for class.....heh

no more sad emo sabby....now...back to being frustrated about school.  Only 3 more weeks left! hehe....weeeee