Today I realized that if circumstances were different, we wouldn't be the people we were.  Sure, this is an obvious almost given kind of fact of life, but this is the first time it really hit me in the face as something new.  It's sad to admit, but I've taken for granted the fact that I have a wonderful bf.  No, don't worry.  The bf and I haven't broken up  or anything.  I still love him and we're still together.  For the first time ever though, I just realized that if anything in our lives were different at the time we started dating, we may not be with each other now.  

I mean, if his computer were not under construction prior to the time he met me, he may not have contacted me through xanga at all.  If I had gone out and met more people, and someone asked me out, I wouldn't be with the bf.  

Do you believe in fate?  Do you believe in destiny?  As a Christian, it has always been hard to explain whether or not I believe this.  To say I believe in destiny is to forgo the fact that I, as a God-Created human, have free will.  But at the same time, I truly believe that God has a plan for us all.  

And although I say that if circumstances were different, we'd all be different people.  The clear truth is "Duh! it's obvious! God has a plan for me."  He shapes me to be the person he wants me to be.  

I don't know why I felt like writing this, I just felt I ought to.  oh...the joys of sudden blog urges.  heh.

If you don't know what MBA stands for, it means Master of Business Administration.  Yes, the title is vague, but you can specialize in different fields.  I'm not really interested in business.  However, I am only interested because people have suggested I should try to go for it.  The bf would have more luck applying for such a program than me.  But I wonder if he's ever thought about it.

It's easy for people to tell me to go get an MBA.  What most people don't realize is that the entrance to ANY MBA course is strict for someone who is NOT a business major.  In fact, having a social work specialty makes it REALLY hard.  Especially since I studied a form of "radical" social work framework, any area of study in business is like the complete opposite of what my social work education has taught me...or so my education would have me believe.  

For mature students, some MBA programs require you be in a management position for at least 8 years before applying.  And how long would it take me to GET to that management position? 

I have my undergrad and that's 1 pre-requisite to any master's program.  I have a 3.43 average meaning I had about mid 80's scores.  So if admittance was based solely on this, I may have a chance....but competition is high.

Not only that, I'd have to take my GMAT....a General Management Admissions Test.  Wonder how long it would take me to study for that.  Tests have never really scared me.  I figured I study as hard as I can, go in and answer what I can.  The score doesn't matter.  However to enter to any MBA program, the score does matter.  

For something I have the least bit of interest, is it worth putting in so much effort?  I almost don't think it's worth it.  Actually, I'm pretty sure it's NOT worth it for me to even bother.  I am not driven and motivated to even apply.  so...I'm not.  

I'm actually rather interested in taking other things, like event planning or something else like that.  We'll see....

I have decided that I don't mind customer service.  As such, I may apply for big banking companies to fill their customer service departments.  YES, dealing with complainey people about visa bills and whatnot.  I'll see.  At least it pays better than retail.  You're all probably thinking, "she must be crazy!", but the truth is, I like this kind of stuff.  Though maybe the reason I've loved retail is because I've been working with shoes, and I love trying to sell good shoes to people.  who knows.   I deal with complainy, rude, and sometimes very stupid customers while still feeling great at the end of the day.  I'm just thinking, WOULDN'T a company want me for those qualities?  mmmmm.  I'm having a mid-twenty-life crisis I guess.  Though, I firmly know who I am, I'm just completely lost in my prospective future.  I firmly believe that I can do anything I set my mind to.  And perhaps because I was raised like this, I have a hard time deciding on WHAT I want to do.

The current place of employment had the the best interview experience for me.  

I applied on Monday (even though it was a long weekend), got a phone call on Tuesday for an Interview for Thursday, and was hired on Friday.  hahahaha.  2 Weeks later, I'm in.  "I can't let you ring things under your own number because it's not fair to the other associates."  BUT, no one has been helping me, so isn't it unfair to me to ring MY SALES under other people?  seriously....HELL NO!  

I'm planning on taking a few courses.  I might take a wedding planning one.  I'm debating whether I want to do it in person or just over the internet.  Although the internet is convenient, doing the course in person means I meet people and create contacts.  I think it's important to make contacts wherever possible.  Yes, internet is convenient, but it also secludes me into my isolated world.  So, I'm thinking I might just take it in person even though there's LOTS of commuting costs included.  I'll talk to my mother and bf to see what they think.   Although my mind is pretty set, I think it's important.  Plus, If I decided to go into the business of wedding planning and event planning, it's important to build a network anyways...so why not?  people WANT to celebrate happy occassions....THOUGH, I don't know how many people realize they need an event planner.  but of course this depends....

I'm also debating on taking a course for desktop publishing.  It's so I can take a future course in photoshop and all those other wonderful adobe applications.  I'm just thinking of when the bf ACTUALLY decides to take his photography into fulltime employment  at least I can help him out somewhere (since I don't really have an eye for capturing and image- I just like looking at them)...

I was also thinking about Early Childhood education, but I hated it when my mother was doing it.  So who knows.  Spent 4 hours looking at education stuff from colleges.  Um....sheridan college has THE WORST website.  NOTHING loads properly.  I keep saying that so and so link is no longer available...seriously?  what does sheridan college pay it's web tech staff to do?  

mmmmm.....

...It started when I realized that I was a gamer chick.  I can't remember what game I was playing, but finding Blue Diamonds were excessively rare...meaning market price for the gem was sky high.  I could never afford it.  And the ones I had in game were all gifts from my fellow guildmates.  Technically, I could have sold them and became super rich, but for some reason, I didn't ever do that.  It's like a precious gift that I felt bad for selling or regifting.  I have always been able to find excessively friendly and generous guilds for some reason.  

Somehow, having generous guildmates kinda translated into being more generous in real life. But that wasn't the only thing to come into my real life.  Wanting and aiming for that blue diamond has for whatever reason also trickled into my real life fantasies.  Though, I've grown up a little more.  

From many years ago, I've wanted a blue diamond engagement ring.  silly isn't it?  but it doesn't really matter to me as much.

These are totally my opinion.  You don't have to agree....but these are my thoughts on engagement rings....

Who needs to spends BILLIONS on an engagement ring?  Sure being billions of dollars means that it probably is the finest diamonds, cut without a flaw and is gorgeous...BUT, does it really matter in the end?  having such a ring with such a stone in it just means that your ring will outlast you.  And I guess that's kind of cute and sweet symbolizing that you're still promised and committed to someone even after death (if you want to think that way.)  but I dunno.  

I'd rather have a bigger budget for my honeymoon and future house together than to spend a gob of money on the ring....just my thought.  

anyways...time to get ready and do other stuf....blah...

gotta find another job....what it is i want to do?  I dunno....

I try not to fight, but sometimes it's really hard not to.  I'll have to bite my tongue really hard.

Why is it so hard to be supportive.  It's not my fault that we don't have any running water because we had to turn off the pipes.  It's not my fault that I'm extremely tired and decided to take a nap.  I'm not gonna stop eating, I'm not gonna stop doing stuff.  We HAVE water.  Even if we don't have alot of it.  

It's annoying.  I have to eat, so regardless of what I decided to eat, there'd been a mess.  

We all have to learn to take our bad days and moods out some other way.  

the worst part is that my mother goes, "when I'm gone on my trip, don't leave the house all dirty."  this REALLY pissed me right off.  and hence, I guess I'm writing about it here.  

How do you explain to your parents that such comments only make me want to leave a mess?  How do I tell them that it makes me really upset?  How do you tell your parents to NOT speak to you like this because it makes me feel disrespected?  

Now, I finally know why I talk the way I do to them.  Because I'm ALWAYS angry at them.  I'm angry that I feel disrespected and they don't know why.  Next time, I will calmly tell them it upsets me.  NOTHING'S gonna change if I don't do anything about it.  so....I'll start:P

some people have allergies by having itchy eyes and watery runny noses.  me?  i get sinus headaches and dry eyes.  it's a form of seasonal allergy apparently.  thank goodness it's only 1 season that I ever get this!  I woke up today and almost passed out from the amount of head spinning.  

IT could also be an ear infection though.  anyways, excited for the weekend! woot woot!!! hehehe

okie. time to do some job searching....deadline for a job in toronto.....by march! roar!!!!

one of my christian friends from work started talking to another friend of mine about Christianity yesterday during lunch.  Religion and everything along this topic was brought up by my non-christian friend who is genuinely interested.  Both were really respectful.  where do i stand on the topic?  my perspective is align with my christian friend.  although I must say that I could never formulate my thoughts as well as she could.  

Everything comes down to faith.  without realizing it, there is faith required for every perspective.  you believe in science, what makes you have faith in the accuracy of science?  I mean, "science" could be disproved somewhere down the road too.  so, what makes you hold firm to that?  

The one thing that annoys my non-christian friend is the homosexuality issue.

For me, it's hard to argue this issue too.  I went to social work and I felt I could still hold onto my christian values after radical social work education.  As many people who could hold onto their Christian values, I have heard just as many if not more give up these values.  

If you believe homosexuality is a sin, how do not love the person without making judgments?  I mean I have homosexual friends.  And although I know they are homosexual, I don't love them less.  It does nag me that they are homosexual and it's a "sin".  BUT at the same time, I ask, so what?  it's not for me to judge.  EVERYONE sins whether their "sins" are as obvious as some.  The person who sins behind closed doors isn't any less of a sinner.  BUT, it's not MY place to say what their sins are or aren't.  

I don't want to change my homosexual friends even if I believe it's a sin.  Seriously, how ridiculous is that?  THEIR life isn't mine.

 Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.  It is not my place to judge them.  

Here, this is what the bible says, 1 Corinthians 10: 23-28. 

23 "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive. 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 25 Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, 26 for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it." 27 If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. 28 But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake--

To me, the verse tells me that if my conscience tells me otherwise, then i shouldn't make a fuss.  but that's what I feel it tells me at the moment.  I just know it's not my place to judge.  I am not better than my fellow human......

although for most people, you wouldn't give them hangers and stuff, I'm the type of person who would LOVE those kinds of gifts.  Of course these should at least be wooden hangers or something, not the cheapy metal ones (because i have tons of those).

is it weird?  I love practical gifts.  I like things that I will be able to use for years to come almost on a daily basis.

Although I love books, I don't like getting them as gifts.  Certain things like soaps and fragrances are things that I don't like to receive as gifts.  It makes me think, "am i dirty to you?" or "do I smell to you?"  personally, if you'd think that about me, I'd rather have you tell me this stuff instead of gifting it to me.  of course, generally these kinds of things can be a gift that is just a gift, but meh.  that's me.  Rather let me put it this way, I don't like getting these kinds of gifts from friends (unless it's a christmas game kind of thing).

My new retail work gave me a free pair of shoes!  I'm EXCITED!!! I don't think I should broadcast that, but I'm really excited for them.  

anyways, back to cleaning my room.  weeeeeee

should research up on mini, hand-held vacuums   

by the way, this franchise is spelt with 2 k's...not Kiddie Cobbler.  But, it does make sense to spell cobbler with a C considering it's generally/the accurate way to spell it.  

Thursday is my last day working there.  It's been 2 weeks over a year that I've worked there.  

I am glad that I've saved up money.  I'm glad I was given the opportunity to meet great people. However, the commute for such a job is not worth it for me.  Minus the 4-5 times I almost died from stupid truck drivers on route to work, generally the drive is okay.

should sleep soon.  gonna sleep after phone charges a bit.  need some battery power so that my phone will work as an alarm for tomorrow.

heh....

let me write some silly memories.

"um...welll....just to let you know, i've mopped the floor."  hehehehe
"mommy! mommy! um....i just farted."  hahahahaha
"sorry, do you sell kid shoes?"  (i almost rolled my eyes at her...the store is called KIDDIE Kobbler....and the shoes are GENERALLY smaller than your hand...so....what do you think?)
"wait, what?  this isn't a swiffer?  booooo"

it's not about what is said and done.  we are just a bunch of girls that have a fantastic time at work.  sure, some days we REALLY hate it, but on the most part, we enjoy most of it.  

Even the boss is a good man.  he has his off days, but he is a good and kind-hearted man.  hehe

well...that's enough for now...dun wanna start crying.  

I'm excited!!!!  borderlands 2 release is almost upon us.  

At this point, I'm DEFINITELY going to play siren.  Like the original borderlands though, I'm certain that I'd try all the classes.  This time, there isn't really a beserker that only focuses on melee.  It seems I'm able to tailor my char to my play style regardless of what type of char I use.  I'm excited.

How I'd import my char on my xbox to the bf's console is above me though.  mmmm.  

debating whether I should buy torchlight 2 at this moment.  I'm pretty excited for that as well.  I might just get it and gift a few copies.  hahahaha.  But I don't know.  we'll see.  

I am in need of a new game.  

At this moment, I'm playing a game off Steam called symphony.  It's like asteroids or invaders.  Or..whatever you call that game where flying ships fly at your ship and try to kill you.  hahahaha.  My ship is awesome:D  hehehehe.  

anywhoo, pretty tired today.  didn't sleep very well.  

The wiring in my house sucks.  Thank goodness I have my phone for an alarm.  Might need to buy a dollar store clock because the wiring in my house seems to reboot itself every few days.  annoying.  oh well.  

Hopefully the bf's feeling better today.  I'm really excited to go see him!!!  it feels like forever since I've seen him....yay!!!