February 6, 2012

  • ...restless sleep...

    every time I post 2 or more posts a day, it's because my mind is restless.  My mind is bored and I need something to do.  So to combat all this, my fingers itch to type.  As an outlet for my restless mind, I begin typing.  Sometimes it's non-sensical, but most times it's just hillarious ramblings of the brain. 

    And then I realize, my sleep was interupted last night.  By a reoccuring image.  I woke up remembering the tears I cried in my sleep.  Oh wait, was this last night or just when I fell alseep on the bus?  It's probably the latter.  It's a guy that haunts my dreams.  The same face I knew 10 years ago.  But in my dreams, he always looks the same as I remember.  The one that plauges my mind with what ifs.  It's horrible.  To wake up feeling so shaken at a non-existant reality makes me worry. 

    The most horrific of dreams are the ones that feel so much like reality. 

    In the end, I was left with nothing.  No love of either the past nor the present.  No love in the future.  I died alone.  Regretting the life I've lived.  Ironically, I rarely ever regret anything.  And looking back into my past, there are very few things that i'd change.  why?  becuase what has happened has happened.  What has been done has been done, nothing I can change.

    Perhaps this restless sleep happens at a time when I go teach my first class with very little to no instruction at all.  Maybe all that I need is to just pretend I know what I'm doing and teach as if I were the student in the class.  We'll see. 

    The teacher has given us no heads up.  "it's best to email me." and I waited for a response ALL weekend long, from the morning till the night.  I can't prepare anything unless I have something to prepare- a word of whether the direction i'm heading is the right one.  hehehe..."ted, you're heading down a dark path."  "the dark path is my driveway."  heh.

    anyways....off to wait to prep for this stupid class.  sigh. 

    Gonna eat a few stuff first.  Gonna utilize the technology in a class....why?  because I'd like to be taught with technology.

    so yeah....ergs...i can't wait to go home and sleep! (which i can't because I have another test to study for)