"sabina, we have a seminar opening up on june 1 and 2.  would you be interested in taking a look at make-up products?"  Honestly....you've known me since i was 10 years old...have i EVER talked or used make up?  honestly.  I am NOT that type of girl. If I don't endorse the products, how can I sell it to other people?  seriously....the only facial products I use is water and moisturizer and the occasional eye-liner and mascara.  So occasional that It's less than 1 time a month.....ergs.

"It's a waste of time and money for you to have gone to teaching english as a second language."  i'm sorry, if I was never given the opportunity to teach, how would i know I wouldn't like teaching?  I'm sorry, but I don't agree.  
"I just remember you telling me a long time ago you didn't like teaching."  Well,  

"You must work harder to look for a job."  Yes, I should.  No more d3 for 12 hours of a day.  But still, I've searched.  What looks like a good job to you doesn't mean I'll like it.  Banks are always hiring...yes...but even banks are giving shitty hours now.  

"I'm not trying to force you to be a sales rep.  Just that this company is good, the products are good and people are always in need."  honestly, we live in a consumer society.  There's always a need for more stuff.  But just because there is a "need" and a demand for your items doesn't mean the products are good.  Because I have not conducted formal research on the products, I'm not going to say they are bad.  I'm just gonna say they aren't good.  

"you mustn't sleep so late.  Plus which young person your age wakes up at 10? that's late."  um.  last I looked, there are people who sleep at the same time i do and wake up at 1 p.m.  don't tell me what young people are doing, because obviously your children have never slept in because YOU have never let them (which is a good thing), but just don't tell me what I can and can't do.  

ergs.  How do you politely say no to an opportunity you REALLY don't want?  ie: the person pushing me to sell for market america.  bleh.  I know she's trying to look out for me, but still.  This is worst than my mother.  

I'm in a bad mood.  I'm trying to not let it get me down, but I can't help it atm.  I had a feeling she was trying to sell me stuff.  I'm gonna try to go to this seminar she wants me to go to, but after that, I make no promises.  

bleh...

I gave in.  I really truly don't like diablo because it triggers all these weird feelings of ex's past.  but...I gave in...everyone was talking about it...and I wanted to see the hype for myself...so...i bought the game.  heh...

I'll give you a further review next time when the game's finished patching and stuff.  hehehe.  

excited to have a new game that I could play online with friends! i just bought a digital copy (i didn't wanna have another disc to keep.  (side note.  do you spell disc or disk?  i've seen it spelt both ways- i'm assuming one's british and one's american?)

does anyone here play diablo?  wanna game with me?  mmmmmmm

I was just thinking....would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? If a rose were called esor, would it not just be the same flower?  so by that reasoning, an engagement ring is essentially just another ring that features diamonds as its core gems.  

Honestly, if diamonds can be manufactured, then why are the prices for diamonds so expensive?  I guess the process to make a diamond is also expensive?  I still think it would be cheaper than mining it no?  I dunno.  It's expensive because of market caps and allowances.....but I'm not gonna go into that stuff.  It's a supply demand thing like making money.  Also, it's about the cut/ skill of the person cutting the stones.  but meh.  

By the way, YOU don't have to read this now.  YOU can save the entry and read when you're ready.  Essentially, I'm just bored out of my mind and lots of face book pop-ups were for engagement rings today.

I don't need big gems.  I'd be happy with a 100 dollar ring from people's: the diamond store if there were any I liked.  It hardly matters to me....But, I'm slightly picky about design.

I have some issues about rings i guess....

1) it doesn't have to cost an arm and leg (see celebrity rings for over a million).  As long as it isn't one of those rings from the candy turning things, i'm fine.

2) if you insist that an engagement ring must have diamonds to be impressive, I'd like them to be Canadian diamonds please.  If diamonds are extracted in Canada, why buy diamonds from somewhere else?  

3) ideally I'd want a blue diamond, but I don't care anymore.  A sapphire is just as pretty.  I want it BLUE like the colour of blood in your veins before it's oxygenated.  Why a sapphire and why that blue?  I dunno....Cause a red stone the colour of oxygenated blood kinda makes me think of evil magical powers (man, I game tooo much)

4) I don't like solitaire set rings.  I think they're boring.  Unless the band is truly very intricate and amazingly pretty, Solitaire rings are boring to me.  But that's my opinion (I can't believe I just learnt what IMO stood for=.=" btw).  

For me, it's more about the engagement.  I don't care if you ask me on top of a mountain, or at the top of the Eiffel tower, I'd rather have it be romantic and intimate.  Just not like Leonard from BBT intimate, that's just weird.  hahahahahahahahaha.  

meh....off to go look for something to do....soooooo absolutely bored.....

at this point in time, I'm being way toooo picky.  I'm looking for jobs in companies and organizations I want to work in.  I want to go into an organization and feel as if I can actual have some loyalty to the company.  I don't want a job for a job's sake.  Don't most employers want that?  Of course, how do you put that into a resume?  nah, more like the cover letter...but if you put those into words, don't i sound a tad desperate?

This means I'm essentially doing a blind application, I have to spiff up my resume just that much more....time to reinvent myself through the power of technology....though of course, my words of choice do make me stand out of a page.....

So far, I know that I can do sales positions....Hence why If i get truly desparate after a year without employment, I WILL go into retail even for the time being....that is my LAST resort.  There are telemarketing sales which pay better than store retail positions...but see the note underneath.  Of course though, I'd willingly apply for manager-in-training positions at any retail location (preferably NOT clothes though).  My retail of choice is shoes and books...heh.  I'm silly I know.

I know I will NOT do a telemarketer position.  i WILL not in any way do this.  If my job requires phone interaction fine, but I don't want interaction between people through the phone to be the primary job description.  of course....that's cause i haven't seen pay high enough to motivate me to apply to such positions.  

Ideally, I'd really like to work in some employment center with immigrants or something! Or just working with immigrants to adjust to a new country would be my ideal job.  Unfortunately, the immigration sector of Ontario COMPLETELY slashed the budgets so alot of previously existing jobs in this field have virtually disappeared.  sigh.....

 Ironically, I'm finding jobs through the immigration job websites that still have funding.  maybe someday i'll get that job! ROAR!!!!! 

rollerblading feels so counter intuitive compared to walking to me.  I feel like the position I'm in is that of a skier going downhill.  Hence, no wonder i'm picking up massive speed at any downhill slope.....

Trying to walk led to the feeling of falling to me.  I must look like an idiot....oh wells.  The price of picking up a new skill.    

I'm wondering if i'll ever get any more confident at it.  But, at least I didn't feel too stupid trying to learn to feel comfortable rollerblading.  sigh

you should learn the gliding motions on the grass apparently.  all i'm thinking is how much dirt and stuff would get into my blades.  

I am getting a minuscule amount more comfortable being in them.  The searing pain in my foot doesn't hurt as badly nor as quickly as yesterday.  Eventually there won't be any pain I don't think.  

Today was just a totally bad day.  I found out my mother threw out my paycheque! I am SOOOOO pissed off, you've got no idea....ergs.  So in comparison, even if there were little achievements for day 2 of practicing rollerblading, i'm not seeing/feeling very accomplished.

going to toronto tomorrow.  almost cancelled on my friend today for this toronto trip.  why?  because i'm in a very foul mood.  but...tomorrow's another day, maybe it'll get better.

why does a company call at 5:15 a.m?  I'm EXTREMELY tired and annoyed at waking up to a stupid company call.  but at least my mother has extra time to work now.  I'm gonna go back to sleep soon.  Starting to get tired.

So, one of my friends sent me a prompt telling me to "Write about 12 interesting people in your life at this moment today."

I don't think I'll do that.  The only reason I won't write about 12 interesting people is because I don't really know what makes people "interesting."  For me, people are interesting because we have fun when we're together.  Or we get along very well.  Or we could just talk for hours and feel like no time has gone by (technically, all these things are 1 in the same...but meh)

At first, I was going to do this sort of entry.  Then I realized something that my 12 interesting people were just quick job descriptions.  The job description part is probably due to the fact that I'm currently unemployed and everything I see at the moment is kinda job related.  But if you were to read 12 quick bios of people, would you find them interesting?  I'm sure you'd rather see faces, but as that is a privacy issue, I wouldn't post pictures of other people without permission.  If you read a bio, would you be intrigued?  Probably dependent on the wording of the descriptions, but how much can you get to know of a person without seeing the person?  

So far, 1 telephone interview.  After the interview, I was told the position isn't open anymore.  sigh.  Make me do a telephone interview for nothing?  boourns to that! But, at least they showed some interest in me I guess.  sigh.  

My brain is starting to turn into mush.....need to find a real job soon...

on a side note, my lower back is BURNING.  

anyways, my brain has no officially begun to throb and tell me it's time to go back to bed.  Thank you Internet for providing enough stimulation to cause me to significantly feel bored and tired

The bf bought me rollerblades.  200 dollars and they were last year's model.  you're probably thinking, last year's model? 200$?  isn't there cheaper?  I'm pretty sure we may have been able to find them cheaper.  But, we didn't really want to shop around.  I almost DIDN'T buy them today because I was sick of nothing feeling right.  oh well.  In the end, I bought a pair that was a little on the higher budget end.  But I'm gonna get great at it I promise...I'll make it worth it!

At the moment, I REALLY suck at rollerblading (all emphasis on REALLY sucking).  But, at the age of 25, this was the first time I've ever been in rollerblades.  Wish I'd been more active, not just sporty as a kid.  Though, even to this day, if my friends were to play sports, I'd be SOOOO willing to play.  The challenge of playing a sport and trying to win is so much more engaging to me than say running or something.  So for the first time ever being on rollerblades, I don't think I did too poorly.  I'm waiting for the wipe out moment actually.  hahaha.  So, needless to say, I'm not a natural as I would like to be.  Oh well, every new experience takes some time to adjust.  I'm already glad that I can stand in my rollerblades and not do the Bambi legs thing.  I'm also glad that I can kinda get up from a sitting position.  I've now somewhat learnt to get up on my own without support.  Of course, I only did it once today without support, so I'm gonna take it as a minor achievement.  hehehe

The trickiest part so far?  it's a toss up between a few things, but I'm leaning towards feeling comfortable just moving faster.  At this moment, I can move; but I'm horribly slow.  I haven't gained the confidence of moving fast yet.  Speed scares the bejeebus out of me.  Yet again, I'm gonna take being able to move on my own, even if at snail pace, is an achievement.  If I don't see them as accomplishments, I'm gonna not want to learn it.  I'll even take my first fall as an achievement.  If life were like x-box achievements, So far I've got 2.  hahahaha.  

My ideal learning condition?  I'd want to go into a large padded room and try rollerblading and hitting the walls.  I think that way I'd learn to get comfortable going faster.  Is that weird?  Actually, I'm freaked out and all wide-eyed with fright when I'm in them and trying to push faster (even if I put on a brave face, the inside me is going @.@)  I feel proud that at 25, I still want to try to learn new things.  Yeah Yeah, you're all going, "25?  that's nothing."  But you see, I do feel that my age is against me.  As a child, I was a tad reckless and I got over fear of new experiences easier.  These days, I'm finding that I'm not genuinely learning new experiences, but learning how to fit them into something I already know how to do....something that could be seen as being good or bad.  meh.

This new skill I'm trying to learn doesn't come without pain.  I haven't fallen yet, but I'm slightly prepared.  I have kneepads and of course wrist guards.  And I definitely have a helmet, though, I don't wear it, I still have one.  hahahaha.  The pain I'm talking about isn't the shock on my joints.  That much is expected, I'm still young, so my body bounces back from that quite quickly.  The pain I'm talking about is the fact that I can only be in them for about 5-10 minutes at a time before the bottoms of my feet burn with searing pain.  I'm debating on whether I need arch supports or if I'm really just too noob at the moment.  Meaning....All i need is just to get adjusted to the new feeling of different types of shoes.  

BUT, this also gives me something else to do every day.  On top of looking for a job, doing my situps and weights and all that, I'll have to take the time to try rollerblading on my own every day.  I want to prove to the bf that his investment won't be in vain and I'll be able to master whatever I set my mind to.  The easier option and more money option would have just to get a bike...I already know how to ride, so the hard part was done.  But that's okie.  I'll learn something new.  Why not?  Once I've mastered this, I'm gonna try to pick up the guitar and learn that too.  I'm not gonna get a full time retail job for the summer yet.  I don't want to feel tied down to anything as of yet.  I will when September comes along.  for now, gotta relax my shoulder muscles.  Was sooooo nervous that arms and shoulders now feel very achey even though I didn't use em very much.....

I really have a need to start meeting new people and building my network.  This job search thing kind of really sucks.  Last week, i sent out an average of 2 resumes.......for a grand total of....9 or 10...i lost track.  I should just count my folder.

This week, I slacked.  Tuesday, i sent 3, yesterday...nothing=.="  today, so far i've sent 3....and still planning to send out more.  

Why does it take so long for me to do a detailed cover letter?  people say I should be able to do it in 30 mins or so...it takes me about an hour to do a cover letter:|  omg.....and i'm applying for administrative positions?  maybe that's not such a good plan after all.

either case, I want need a job.  I'm still planning to move downtown regardless of what other people's plans are.  Either case, i'll have to live with someone.  Be it the bf or some other stranger, I'll also be finding 2 jobs....because I need to.  blah...

anyways....

can someone explain to me what a shot in the dark means?  It just sounds cool and I feel like that's what I'm doing.  Ie: i have no hope of landing a job, but me applying= shot in the dark.  Though of course, my understanding of idioms and sayings are a little strange sometimes.  personally, I just keep picturing someone closing their eyes and shooting.....hehehe

anyways...time to do some more applications.

so I'll scour the internet, the newspapers, and other social networks to find a job.  Unfortunately for me, like many others, I am aimless and unguided.  I don't know what I'm looking for.  I'm more so interested in an organizations core values and environment vs job description.  Of course, I understand that I should apply to what I qualify for and positions I desire.  Sadly, I don't feel qualified for anything.  How is it that some people are so successful that they're unemployed for a week and get another job the very next day?  

What is it that I desire from life?  I don't know.  The lack of a clear direction really sucks.  I think this is the worst part about being officially unemployed.  The lack of guidance, the insecurities about the futures all bear a weight.  As much as I want to live in the moment, without a job, future prospects look grim.  But for now, I'll do what I can.  

I can't possibly move out even if I wanted to.  I NEED to find a job...one which isn't seasonal.  The worst part, at the moment, ALOT of jobs are seasonal.  However, just because a job IS seasonal, I apply anyways.  Boosting up the resume.  So even if I'm employed for 3 months during the summer, at least it's NOT retail and I'll learn from another experience.  

Maybe I should apply blind to more organizations.  Instead of just applying for a post that's open, just send in a resume anyways.  I'll start doing that tomorrow...gotta scour the internet for all the positions I want to go into.  HEHEHE

I promised the bf I'll do something instead of being at home all day.  I'll probably walk downtown or something.  sigh.  Starting to go insane.  whatever.  sigh.  

I'll probably land a few jobs before I find one I really really like.  Unfortunately though, it's finding that first ever full time position that's going to suck.  What's worst?  I have no clear career path I want to take.  I don't know what job I want.  I don't feel prepared to take on a large set of responsibilities in a company that I do not know much about.  I want to be given the chance to start on the lower end and work my way up.  But, where will I go from here?  le sigh.  

Perhaps I'm idealizing the perfect job as I idealize many things.  I don't really care about pay.  Of course, I would like a base pay of 35 or 40k a year.  For me, that's fine.  I don't need the big 6 figure job to be happy with my life.  Personally, I probably wouldn't know what to do with all that money- probably still live frugally with the exception of buying all the yummy food i want.  hahahahah.  But since you make more, I find that many people have bigger expenses.  meh.  

I've decided to go to the local employment center.  Maybe the professionals there would be able to shed some insight.  I was kind of dreading it.  why?  because my local employment center is dingy.  The place has no windows, it feels like you're stuck in a big empty, cold room.  everything is gray.  I think that the center should add a little splash of colour.  It's already stressful and upsetting to look for a job (because you are unsure about your future prospects), so why does the place insist on using drab colour?  seriously.  But perhaps i'm just a happy cheery person.  Maybe that's why it bugs me to go into that stupid employment center with all it's gray tables, chairs, black carpet and beige job post boards.  

I don't think I'm doing any of my applications incorrectly.  I just don't know what job I want. As such, I think it kind of comes out in my cover letters and even my resume.  There's no focus in my resume.  

Ironically, ALOT of the positions and places I've sent in resumes are the SAME places I sent my resume a year ago.  egh, has much changed?  I don't think so.  But then again, I never kept the resume from last year.  

some agencies don't like recent graduates....but then where do all recent graduates go if that's the case?

How badly do I want to work in my fields of training?  I don't know.  I want to work in a social service agency WAY more than teaching.  I don't even see teaching as a primary career.  So I'm certain it's not for me.  I'm so glad that one of my closest friends feels the same way I do when it comes to teaching.  My feelings are validated and not seen as trivial.  though i must say, I must have lots of supportive people.  My mother who is slightly disappointed that I went through the training and decided not to teach.  My father thinks I just wasted money.  I'm so glad the bf doesn't see it as wasted time.  

Without teaching experience (not in assistant role), I would have never known that teaching in this specific LINC curriculum guided structure was not for me.  I guess the issue is that I want a curriculum, but I also want LOTS more freedom to what I can teach.  people say I should go into academic teaching.  In all actuality, I'm just not a fan of classroom management.  I'd much prefer 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 teaching.  

So now, where do I go from here?  The answer is simple.  Stop looking down and start looking up.  Stop looking at what i've done and start looking at what can be done.  of course, i'm not feeling too great these days.  Kind of feeling distraught after only 1 week of applications.  how is my life gonna be for the next few months?  ROAR!!!!....