and good cheer to all!  hehehe.  

So what does this day mean to you?  

for me it’s part consumeristic and religious.  i mean, LOTS of my friends who aren’t Christians still celebrate it.  

I mean I’ve never really “celebrated” christmas growing up.  though celebration was going to family and friend’s place.  for us, Christmas shopping was buying clothes and other essentials we needed.  We’d blow through 200 dollars in one day buy LOTS and LOTS of clothes, shoes and stuff.  It was always really fun.

Now that we’ve grown up, my family never celebrates with us.  Church and other churchy responsibilities come first.  My sister and I come second to their activities.  It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s for Christmas or anything else, we come first in their minds, but second in actuality (through their actions).

But this isn’t to say we don’t have ourselves (my sister and myself) to blame either.  She’s married, so it’s harder working out when to spend time with us.  And I have spent Christmas morning 3 years in a row at the bf’s place.  As I said, it’s not like My parents really put us on a backburner, we’ve put them on the backburner it’s okay.  we’ll figure something out.

muhahaha

anyways, the bf’s at church…and i still refused to go on christmas morn…wow….i suck.  but meh.  

Merry Christmas and good cheer to all!!! hahahaha.  have a very merry christmas….and a season filled with joy….hehehehe

Yeah yeah, I’m sorry for the long hiatus between one post to the next.  working about 50+ hours a week leaves me with little time to anything else.  Rather let me rephrase, 50 hour work weeks leave me with little me time and little energy for anything else.  Especially since I generally work 11 hour days, the me time I have left, I just want that to be MY time.  

So what have I been doing this past little while?

What do I have that’s been going well these days?  I guess I’d have to say I finished doing my Christmas shopping.  But I never really had anyone to shop for other than the bf and myself.  

Is it weird that I don’t really give gifts to the bf’s parents?  sigh.  I should probably get them a gift…but what?  I don’t know.  Maybe the bf and his siblings will get them something I can pitch in for.  sigh.  

No major accidents in my life.  So I’m okay.  My sister’s pregnant and she’s due soon.  I’m excited to be an aunt…kinda.  I still don’t like kids….at 25, is that normal?  Or maybe it’s because I’ve always thought adoption was a viable option that I never felt any rush.  Plus, I don’t want to go through diapering or anything.  I’d adopt a 4 year old who may or may not still wet the bed.  but wetting the bed is something I can handle.  I just can’t handle poopy diapers.  yeah, how “unwomanly” am i?  The entire poopy diaper thing makes me want to gag just thinking about it.  

I’m in a really horrible mood.  Why is it that I always seem to come onto xanga to vent?  I’m glad it’s not angsty teenager stuff now.  BUT it’s totally first world problem venting.  YES, I totally realize that the stuff I vent about are first world problems, it doesn’t mean that they don’t feel like problems to me.  

And so I think that in the new year, I WILL move out.  The goal I set is that by March of next year, I will have moved out of my parents place.  Hopefully by then, I also get a new better job.  Of what at the moment?  I don’t know.  I’m just really sick of all the parental nagging.  BUT, i’m not getting a better job because they want me to, I’m getting a new job because I want it.  I’m also planning a future move out with $12/hr.  so hopefully when I have a better paying job, I can recalculate spending.  Atm, I’m also doing these calculations without the bf.  I’m not a fan of living paycheque to paycheque.  So I’d really like not to have to do that.  Of course, I can, but I know the importance of saving and refuse to live on the edge.

Yeah, I love the bf, but I feel that we both lack a sense of urgency when doing these kinds of things.  And although this may be a bitch slap in the face for him, he’s said he wants a new job for as long as we’ve been dating.  And yet 5 years later, he’s still in the job he hates.  What I am glad is that he has his own passions on the side that make his boring, dreary work life okay.  I on the other hand only have gaming as a passtime for after work life.  And as much as I enjoy it, I do wish I had other passions.    This is partially why I want to take some crafts courses.  So even if the things I make aren’t sellable quality, at least I have a pass time other than work, gaming and reading.  

The entire issue is that if I just listened to what they said, they wouldn’t nag at me.  and by they, I mean my mother.  I know she’s my mother and it’s VERY unchristianly of me to be this way, but each and every time she nags (which is at least once a week), I end up getting angrier and angrier every time.  As much as I tell the bf that I wouldn’t want him to sever ties with his parents, I’m so angry at this point that I would sever ties with mine.  And although I’d like to have financial support from my parents, I’m at the point of “so what if I’m destitute till I make my own way in life”?  If I have to starve, I’ll do it.  I’ve done it before, I can do it again.  I’ve lived in a shack of a house with no running hot water and only few outlets have electricity.  so at this moment, I could pretty much say that I can do it again.  EVEN though it was entirely annoying, I’ve been there done that.  

yeah, this will be very teenager of me, but i don’t like people touching MY stuff.  even if my room is messy, don’t TOUCH anything.  yeah, it’s nice to come home to a nice clean room, but at the same time.  It’s VERY VERY annoying when people touch my stuff.  I can always find all my shit in my pile of shit.  But when you touch my stuff, you better be prepared for me to ask you where you put my stuff.  if you don’t know/can’t remember, quit touching my fracking things.  

well, anyways.  before I break down and cry due to stupid frustration and anger, i’ll leave it here.  

I really wish I were able to write more happy things.  I Never seem to be able to write when I’m in a good mood.  sigh.