August 14, 2012

  • ...patience and communication...

    i must learn to communicate.  All my life, the communication style i heard the most has been my parents bickering.  they don't seem to know how to talk to each other.  as such, I communicate to them in this tone too.  As bad as I know it is, I find that I'm unwilling to communicate properly/have an inability to communicate properly.  Whenever I do try to talk to them rationally, I end up yelling at them.  why you ask?  Because THEY'VE always talked to each other and to us with that tone of voice.  

    But now I know better.  

    I am becoming more self-aware to the my annoyance level and how I am talking to them.  Everytime I realize my tone is going out of sync, I've been slowly trying to correct myself.  The more annoyed I am with them, the louder, and the ruder I'll sound.  As such, I'm learning to watch my tone.  It's not necessarily about being humble.  It's just about learning HOW to talk to them- learning to see the situation in another way so I won't get annoyed.  Unfortunately, my patience isn't unlimited though.  mmmm...

    It makes me think about my future.  Hopefully I'll never use this tone I've witnessed all my life with the bf.  And if I do, I wish to be forgiven, BUT I more so wish that the significant other would help me learn to communicate better.  

    I guess it's one thing to type all your thoughts on here and use actual words to voice your thoughts in person.  of course, there's the good way of speaking and a not so good way.  not necessarily a bad way of speaking, just not necessarily the way to speak to get your way in life...

    mmmm....I just learnt that one of the most loved people in my place of employment is leaving...sigh.  for some reason, I'm not surprised, but I'm just really sad.  It's kinda like losing the mother hen at work.  sigh.  Will have to find a good farewell gift.  sigh.  glad she's leaving though.  our boss did treat her like crap....

    self-awareness is the beginning to change....and change may take a long time.  hopefully, someday i'll feel as if i've accomplished the change I wish to achieve...

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