heh, my body really is out of shape.  after walking to school for 2 the go train station, my ass was supremely sore.  it also doesn't help that I was feeling crampy all over and have a low iron count at this time of the month.  bleh....sometimes it sucks to be a girl. 

NAPPY SABBY for the win! hahahaha....it's like i've been put in a trance by snorlax or something...sleeping from 1 to 4 in the afternoon...omg

this week, i plan to walk 5 days to the go train station (cause I have school every fracking day this week).  that's essentially my 20 to 30 mins of exercise a day.  I'll find a way to increase it soontimes.  For now, i'm just taking things slow.  I'll do what I can.  I can't wait till the summer starts.  It'll give me more reason to walk from point a to point b.  I said I wanted rollerblades for my birthday, but I don't think I want them.  I'll just walk everywhere...plus i feel that walking is actually a tad safer, slower yes, but safer.  oh man....i'm gonna have one hell of a tan this summer....will have to unload the sunscreen and walk with an umbrella in the sun- asian style....

I have alot of weight to lose.  at 168....i'm a massive cow....well i probably don't look 160.  I've been trying to eat a tad better.  And...it's slow.  even after dinner and a full day of eating and drinking water, I was 2 lbs lighter....does that mean my scale is wrong or that I actually lost it?  whatever the case, it's not so much about weight loss.  for me, it's just so that I feel better about myself.  mmmm.....

I absolutely HATE the college experience.  I don't like having to go to school.  I like CHOOSING to go.  When attendance and participation is manditory, it only makes me want to skip class.  sure i'm paying tuition, but i often find that the instructors do NOT help with my learning.  Or maybe that's just the person i am.  I don't enjoy having to go to school.  Though, I have to admit that going to school to get my teaching english as a second language certificate does open more doors for me.  But who knows?  i'll probably go back into social work..maybe.  we'll see how much i like teaching.  I'm afraid I won't enjoy it.  It's also difficult to find a job.....in any field.  However, I'm prepared to work 3 part time jobs if I have to....but...for now, I'll probably work one full time and a part time If it's possible.  we'll see.  anywhoo....

time to go to school every day this week.  I HATE it.  oh well.  I have never really been the dedicated student...always half-assed.  but surprisingly, i have a likable personality that makes teachers think i'm alot smarter than I actually am.  oh well.  hahaha.  it's not to say that I don't work hard when I need to, i'm just lazy.

This week I don't think I'll have time to chill with the bf...sigh.  Have to study for a midterm for a teacher that doesn't know how to teach.  and....the class where the teacher has the most horrible breath which is worst since she has to pronounce syllables and breathe on you....ergs. 

I found out that adding nail polish makes me feel a tad happier...probably cause it's that extra spark of colour in an other wise very drab feeling situation.  oh wellz....i'm starting to get hungry.  should probably eat before I get SUPER hungee:P hahaha...

but it's soooo early...T.T

DAY 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
This is more of a song when I listen to when I'm frustrated, not necessarily angry.  For me, i normally get frustrated, not really angry.  It's more about frustration and disappointment rather than angry.  when i'm angry all i want to do is chuck pillows at the wall or just sleep it off anyways, no time for music then

The Rasmus: In the Shadows- This was the first song to introduce me to English music other than those produced in the Americas...hehe

Yeah yeah, I'm sorry, I keep getting busy and forgetting to post>.<  

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
My favourite album is Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten.  So naturally....there might be other Natasha Bedingfield songs here  This song goes out to my friend Kristen
Natasha Bedingfield: We're all Mad in Our Own Way

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Don't really know should be playing on the radio.  I don't really care....hahah.

so here's a song I haven't heard on the radio yet..

Bruno Mars- Liquor Store blues

normally, by this time in the year, i'm racking my brain for ideas on what to give my bf for our anniversary.  This year, i'm totally drawing a blank.  but then again, it's not the presents that count.  it just so happens that presents are fun to open (but sadly people don't wrap my presents anymore because I have a habit of opening presents REALLY slowly- one piece of tape at a time).  so...IF you EVER decided to wrap your presents in more than one layer, you're the one who has to sit through the torture (unless it's layers of newspapers).

I like to buy useful gifts.  I've already bought everything I think is useful.  I do wish we'd be able to use the digital frame i bought more/if ever.  And this year, there just aren't any more useful gifts to give him. 

This year will be our 5 year anniversary.  can you believe it?  5 years! wow, i'll be 25 yrs old this year.  I found a better way to remember how many years we've been going out.  heh.  Sometimes I lose count...but now I won't.  I still wake up every day hoping to see him online for virtual hugs and kisses.  You probably think i'm dorky.  But on most days, I still sit right by the pc and count down the minutes till the time I expect him to be online after work. I wonder if i'd be the type of person to plan 30 minute meals, cook them and wait for him to come home when we're living together.  hehehe. 

anyways...time to go and work on assignments...

I will have to find a way to put a little exercise on the days I don't have school.  At the moment, walking to school is the only way I get exercise.  Not great, but at least that's a start.  As I was walking to the library on campus today, I made a big decision.  I've decided that I won't care how much I weigh....I just want to be healthy.  You see, it's easy for me to starve myself and drop 20 lbs in 1 week- i've done it before, I can do it again.  But...the side effects of dropping weight like this include severe depression.  and THAT'S not something I EVER want to go through again.  It's even easy to decide that I don't want to eat more than 500 calories a day if I had to.  So it makes me think why i CAN'T motivate myself to exercise.  and the only reason is because...i'm LAZY.

but anyways, If the number on the scale was ALL i was looking forward to, then i'll NEVER be happy.  WHY?  because i will CONSTANTLY be gaining and losing weight like the tides go up and down.  so...instead...i'm just gonna be happy with trying the best i can to be the best i can. 

I didn't walk to the go train station today....partially because i was lazy, but more because i didn't want to have to walk 15 mins late at night (late as in past 10).  And I felt guilty for NOT walking.  so....i guess that's an improvement no?  instead of my first reliance on using the car to shave off 12 mins in the morning, it was my secondary choice.  There will still be days when I drive to the go train station....ie: when my alarm doesn't go off because i set it improperly or when it's -40 degrees celsius out.  So maybe on the days when i don't have school, i'll just walk the 30 mins in the exercise room.  we'll see how that works out.  30 mins of walking a day is still better than sitting on your ass all day isn't it?  so....here's to building a new habit!

I'm REALLY out of shape if walking 30-40 mins a day for the past 2 days has got my ass sore.  but what can i do?  I AM out of shape.  So, I'll take the pain and at least I can still feel it. 

Having a sore ass triggered a thought today as I was waiting for the bus in the cold.  I'm a realist that typically borders on the side of cynical/pessimistic.  But today, I decided that just because it's gloomy and cold, it wasn't a reason to let myself feel all gloomy and cold.  Of course this probably wouldn't last forever.  I'm taking the small achievements in the day, the small accomplishments as something big.  why?  Because then the BIG things are REALLY great.  This means that everyday is worth celebrating.  Surely, if you can wake up in the morning, then that's a blessing already no?  We rarely think of that.  instead, sometimes we take for granted what a gift it is to actually be able to get up and go in the morning.  Yes, even those who take HOURS to get up because of illness or whatnot will still get up when they can.  THEY could tell you that getting up in no easy feat, and to be able to do so is a big accomplishment.  So why not take a page from their book?  Be grateful for what you've been given. 

Actually....what made me think of all this was waiting at the bus because I was cold.  It really had very little to having sore gluets.  BUT...it did make me more thankful when I was able to get a seat on the bus instead of standing there doing the bus surf! Instead of saying, "oh, I had to wait in the cold for 2 damn minutes." I changed the way I said it to, "I only had to wait in the cold for 2 minutes."  yeah...it seems like a little change, but personal change doesn't being by huge leaps to the moon.  They start small and get bigger. 

egh...too much self motivation stuff that doesn't make sense?  well....either way, I hope you live a long happy life

DAY 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
sorry guys! i missed a day.  I should also post day 18 up...but i'll just take today as 17 and tomorrow as 18.  No need to rush. 

This really depends on what type of radio station you listen to.  But i typically listen to top 40's radio stations...so...needless to say, I hear songs on the top 40 ALOT.  This is the first song that comes to mind..

Katy Perry- The one that Got Away

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate 
Um...i used to love the black eyed peas.  BUT....I don't like them as much anymore....probably because they got outplayed on the radio.

The Black Eyed Peas: Let's Get it Started