ironically, what's making me upset and frustrated has very little to do with the being punched in the gut feeling i physically am having. 

i DO NOT want to take public transit for 2 hours just to get to the bf's.  at this rate, i'll get there at 3.  yipee for that.  screw it.  i refuse to drive.  meaning that i HAVE to go home no matter how late it gets- and that just means a sleepy sabina on the road= accident waiting to happen.  too bad the parents don't see it that way.  the most ideal situation would be having the bf say that he could pick me up or the parents saying they could drop me off.  but then again, having the parents drop me off would only make me more frustrated as i'd have to listen to the "you should bring him to church" bit.  you know what?  just cause he's catholic does not mean he is not christian.  mommy and daddy, please get that through your small little fricken minds.  in fact, i think he has a much healthier relationship with GOD than I do, but then again, who am I to judge?  only GOD knows.  and don't give me the "you're not doing your duty as a christian" crap.  like you are with all your complaining and judging?  well you've done your duty.  you raised a daughter who feels sooo brainwashed she can't deny Christ.  it's true, it's right, it's my logic of things...why?  because i grew up in a catholic school system till highschool and then church since i was 4.  every breathing living moment was one bible story/lesson after the other.  how am i supposed to run away even if i wanted? 

am i christian?  i believe that it is true that Jesus is the son of GOD.  but is he my saviour?  i believe that he died on the cross for MY sins.  but does that make me a christian?  the thing is, to many, it would be classified that i am.  but i'm really not feeling like i am.  i'm just so disconnected from my spirit i guess.  i've denied Christ so many times that i guess well, i dunno. 

today is one of those days that i'm feeling sooo shitty and frustrated that i just want to yell at someone for no good reason.  and in my lack to find someone to yell at, i'll just sit here staring at the pc screen with tears trickling down my face.  AHHHHHHHHHHH

today is just one of those days that i may have started a fight with the bf.  though i'm pretty sure this entry would be equally agrivating for the intended reader.  i really do feel underappreciated.  majority of the time, i don't mind taking public transit.  since he's started a later shift and i've started school, he has not once come to see me once.

maybe i'm taking it for granted that i "can" see him every week.  whatever.  i'm just in a really bad mood.  i want to eat, but all the congee that my mother made yesterday, my father piggily ate it all.  sure i can make some for myself, but ergs.  i just feel like bashing my head into the wall.  ergs.